Are you sure that your friends are really your friends?

Oh, you may say, “My friends are the best, they‘re great, none better, can’t live without my friends.” “Heck I’d stack my friends up against any set of friends.”

Ok, you love your friends … I get it, but let’s go to the dictionary and look up the word friend:

1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter.

You’re probably thinking, “Yes, those are my friends, we have an emotional attachment, we feel affection for one another, we give each other assistance and we support each other!”

Hmm, you support each other. Is that really true? Let’s examine that part of the friendship and see if your friends really support you. This is going to require that you also think about what kind of friend that YOU are; so soul searching required here and most of all, honesty.

Friendship – It’s for the Birds

There is a saying that goes like this …”Birds of a feather flock together.” True for birds; true for humans. Let’s bring this down to the simplest associations. People generally like to form friendships with people that are “like” them. So, if you are smoker, you will have an affinity for other people who smoke. They will support your smoking and not be judgmental of you. If one day a smoker friend announces that they intend on quitting, how would you feel about that? You don’t want to quit but know that you should. Your friend might look down on you if she succeeds and you remain a smoker. She may not want to hang out with you any longer. You, on the other hand, want to smoke with her, you don’t want her to go to the nonsmoking section, to the “I’m going to be healthier than you section,” to the “I’m going to live longer than you world.” So, do you support her?

“YES, I love her and support her,” you say. But deep down inside, you hope that she fails and gets back to your level. Are you really a friend?

Let’s look at another scenario. Your best friend calls and announces that he hit the lottery for $10,000,000. Up until that point, you made the same amount of money, drove similar cars, lived in similar homes, etc. But now he’s a multi-millionaire - how do you feel? Are you really happy for him or do you wish that it didn’t happen?

Everybody is always trying to lose weight; it’s a life long struggle for many. You and your friend are going to try to get in shape and lose weight. You start out equally, but she sticks with it and loses all the weight she wanted and gets ripped working out five days a week. She looks great! How do you feel? Are you jealous; do you encourage her to eat more and exercising less? Are you hoping that she falls off the wagon and rejoins you in your world? Are you afraid that she will be deemed more attractive to the opposite sex; that she will abandon you?

The Hard Truth

The fact of the matter is that most humans desire that their friends are exactly the person that they need them to be everyday. If I’m overweight, I want my friends to be overweight. If I’m a smoker, I don’t want my friends to quit smoking. If I’m a drinker, I want drinking friends. And if I’m unemployed, I don’t want my friends to have a good job. I certainly don’t want my friends to make more money then me. In no way does that make me happy.

So, what does this have to do with going back to school to earn a degree or to obtain a higher level degree? Just tell a friend that you are going back to school and these are thoughts that are really going through their mind:

• Oh no, she’s going to be smarter than me.
• This school thing will interfere in our friendship; in the time we can spend together.
• Darn, she’s going to make new friends.
• She’ll get a better job then me.
• She’ll make more money then me, have nicer clothes, drive a better car.
• Oh no, she’ll move away and have a great life …
• I HAVE TO PUT THE KABOSH ON THIS …THIS DOESN’T MAKE ME HAPPY, NOT ONE BIT!!!!!

So, would you have any of these thoughts in any of these scenarios? Be honest now! Well, congratulations – you’re human. The point here is, other than your mother, your friends need you to stay like them. And if you want to improve your life through education, you probably shouldn’t expect any support from your “friends”. They can’t help you; it’s their job to make sure that you stay exactly where they’re at.

Sorry if this hurts; but if you want to improve your life in anyway, you probably have to be prepared to go it alone. Eventually, you will make new friends that are on the same path as you.